God is Good

just dropping in to explain my recent and probably ongoing absence. i am still stopping by other blogs when i get the chance but we have a lot on ministry-wise at the moment and i have an intern to train up and a girl who has just begun her walk with god who needs intensive council and dicipleship as well as a whole group of new christians to teach and leaders to impart into... all in the time im not at work or tending to my own kids... i will stop in from time to time because i do like to write but as is i am very much enjoying this time in the moment rather than taking time to write about it.

movin to the country...gonna eat me alot of peaches

i dunno if they were an Australian band- they were called the presidents of the USA or something like that but they sang this song
wait let me see if i can find a clip...
PEACHES
there you go. So this song has been in my head for like the last 2 months.
So this is how my life took a dramatically different course, leading me to be unable to get this song out of my head. 5 years ago i married i man...a tradesman with a pastoral gift and leadership abilities. We served in the youth group and we ran the youth group. We became the youth pastors and I figured we would pastor eventually, full time. Maybe he would pastor a church and I would use my social science degree and social work experience to set up a ministry for the down and out, maybe teenage mums, maybe drug rehab clients maybe all of the above... this was my plan.
Well since we got married anyway. My original plan was to serve with the leadership of my old church in a paid ministry role, but then we got married and he didn't feel right about moving to my church...in hindsight I see that That was my comfort zone, not Gods plan, but i left my friends and spiritual family and everything i was aspiring to then, and well 5 years later it is like de ja vu(figuratively speaking, coz I don't really believe in that kind of thing).
I have a job and a plan and dreams, and i really don't see how any of it fits with where we seem to be heading now. I am discovering what really is meant by walking by faith. I have a peace about all the decisions we have made leading up to this point. Now we need to decide where we are going in just 12 weeks time.

When D signed up we(I) was convinced we would do country posting MUCH furthur down the track and D would work local to our church, my work,family, friends, our lives. Then came the nearly perfect compromise, a country posting just 45 minutes from where we live now. i could still be involved in ministry and wouldn't have to work because of the country pay perks. Then that did not work out as they are not going to take on a Probationary officer. Now i cant seem to backtrack with D and country seems to be the only thing being considered...hence...this song.

I am quite emotionally attached to my church, my ministry and youth group. It is such an exciting time and I am finally finding the time to connect with new leaders, i know that leaving is going to be devastating for me...again. All the reasons i have to stay though are my own selfish ones. I don't feel like we are meant to stay, in fact i think God has been very deliberate about moving us out at a time when others will HAVE to step up and out of their comfort zones. I just doesn't seem to make it any easier though...
I will part II this post later with my thought about where we are going.

Not-not me monday

I dont much feel like a funny Not Me Monday post. There really have been a lot of things i have not done which i probably should have (or definitely) so in the spirit of not me Monday, i did not...

not take out the rubbish all week resulting in a bin unable to be seen under the rubbish pile covering it...

not turn off the kids dvd after it finished resulting in it playing over again and them watching it over again...

not cook dinner on at least 3 nights this week...

not give sick hubby any sympathy, seeing as he has been sick for the last 6 weeks on and off and if not sick, tired and sore from the acadamy physical training, either way he cant take out the rubbish for me

not plan games for youth until the last minute or tell hubby it was his turn to preach this week until say... that afternoon,

not leave the spilled weetbix on the kids table and conceed that it is in fact cement with brown food colouring therefore I should not waste my time cleaning it now that it is dry...

and not write a blog post for like 2 weeks!

I AM tired, emotional, a little overstretched and i think my eye has a permanant twitch at the moment like one of those cartoon women about to snap...*cue extreme eye closeup and scary music*.

i assure all though I (probably) wont go off the deep end just yet. I am greatful for my family who are with me to cause stress, thankful for the provision of my (time consuming) job, prayerful my husband will be on the mend for real this time, hopeful for our future and excited about the growth of our ministry. Most of the time...

a little time out in the country might be very necessary by the end of this year though!

DONT READ THIS-seriously just an emotional rant

Lately i have been reading alot of police/police wife blogs, you know just coz, and i am on overnight shifts with some time to kill... and just recently i was thinking about this program we usually do called red frogs- sort of a chaplaincy program for all the school levers who go on massive road trips and have weeklong parties, the call it leavers or schoolies here(for American readers). So D wont be able to do that with me this year coz not only will he have work commitments, it would be a conflict of interest... got me thinking.
For at least a while know we seemed to be headed down the pastoring path and i just imageined i would be a pastor/pastors wife you know with a church and stuff eventually. i dont know how that fits with this new path he has choosen. Since ministry is very much what i have lived for for years, a different future is somewhat daunting.
The more i read cop blogs the more i realise we are in for a very different reality to what i thought and for the first time i feel like i will be laying down some of my dreams for his. But i know God is in control and when we decided he would apply, this is the path we felt he should take.
I now face the prospect of country time, leaving my youth, our church and all the ministry roles I exist in. I face the very real possiblity that his shifts will conflict with youth commitments and church commitments even if we can stay in the city. In ministry I am the organiser and facilitator but he is the pastor. He is the shepherd, where I sometimes lack in the relational side of ministry, and i dont know where the ministry would be if i were in it alone.

His shifts on top of my shift work is beginning to take a bit of a toll on us, and we are struggling to find someone to look after the kids during our shift overlaps. I cant begin to see how our family will look like what i imagined even 1 year ago

So now i will stand in faith, and hold onto the the prophesies and dreams God has given me, knowing He was fuly aware i would be married to cop and His words will not return to Him void.

Forgive me if i get a little emo on everyone, life is just a bit raw at the minute and i dont really mind sharing because i feel quite on edge, so atleast if people who know me read this they might understand why.

On a different subject but part of i guess what is making me really raw is this month. I dread the beginning of August. August brings with it the count down to 1 year passes, until my birthday. click on Joes Legacy to understand. i really dont want to actually write any of that out. This sucks actually. I dont want to have a birthday but i cant figure out a way to avoid it. i dont want a birthday gift or card. Actually all birthdays are difficult because of the memories and thoughts but i havnt figured out a way to avoid those either.
so if you knw me, dont wonder why my phone is off on my birthday and im not home and i delete happy birthday messages off facebook.

dude i should not blog at 4 in the morning while emo and after 1(apparently too many) red bulls...sorry if you had to read that